It’s been a sh** summer here in Newcastle …… Primarily because the long drawn out close season hasn’t been buoyed by a World Cup or European Championship but also because the months of June & July mean The Toon becomes infested by Stag & Hen Parties…

The frightful sight of pink limousines filled with mephs kitted out in bunny ears & devil horns is enough to pi** off even the most tolerant of Geordies.. Not forgetting the irritation of battling your way to the bar past a load of knobs from Derby with ‘Brian’s Black Country Legends t-shirts on’.  Newcastle’s metamorphous from ‘city of industry’ to ‘European Party Capital’ is not with out its downside. So a word to the wise to any readers thinking of arranging a ‘lads’ weekend to the Toon. Go to Dublin instead & fu** the Irish off.

For a region that produced players of the calibre of Jackie Milburn, The Charlton Brothers, Paul Gascoigne, Chris Waddle, Peter Beardsley & Alan Shearer & managers such as Bob Paisley, Brian Clough & Sir Bobby Robson, in terms of trophies the region has had little or nothing to shout about.

Barring that spawny mackem victory in the FA Cup in the seventies & the Smog monsters victory in the League Cup in 2004 no North Eastern Team has tasted success in a major competition for the past fifty years, leading to the Toon Army having to endure mocking chants from lesser teams fans who fail to understand (being fair-weather bas****s) their undying loyalty to the cause.

Is this all about to change???  The honest answer is unlikely. However there is cause for renewed optimism for fans of both Newcastle & Sunderland, the former having made sweeping changes at boardroom, managerial & playing level.  Big Sam’s signing’s have undoubtedly improved the quality of the squad but whether Newcastle can cope in terms of quantity remains to be seem.  
 
Those unlucky blighters on wearyside can also look forward to the new season. The incredible achievements of Quinn & Keane in resurrecting the worst team in the premier league twice to their current status cannot be underplayed. Whether the lack of experience at the highest level from board right through to playing level will count against them remains to be seen.

Down at Teesside there is less cause for hope… Mainly because there is little hope when Stockton is your home address but also because the cavalier days of big players & big transfer fees seem to be over.  The loss of Viduka (ha ha ha) & possible loss of Yakubu mean Yorkshire might lose its last Premier League club!!!!

In the lower leagues the monkey hangers can look forward to trips to the City Ground & Elland Road & can the Quakers finally achieve promotion & give that wonderful stadium a team worthy of it.

What we lack in Champions League football & realistic League success we will make up with passion & drama. 

So stay to join me Toon Dog, Fat mackem bast*** & Darlo Dave as we keep you abreast of all the action from another tumultuous season in the North East.

Toon Dog

Ross Allen - Our Friends In The North