It’s now 15 years since Leeds won the Championship. Much has happened since 1992 - just ask John Major. Fashions come and go, tastes change (look at Shakespeare’s Sister: improbably, they spent eight weeks at No 1 in the early part of that year) and Leeds United continue to get worse.

The Peacocks are now beyond shambolic: an appalling joke of a football club, bile and rancour spewing forth at every turn, with Ken Bates and Dennis Wise presiding over team affairs like an even less funny version of Laurel and Hardy. Champions League to League One in six seasons - that’s some going, chaps. And with adult tickets costing up to £25 next term, the club unable to bring in any players until a transfer embargo is lifted, and the threat of insolvency still very real, what possible explanation is there for going to Elland Back next year? However, fear not, Whites fans: here are five ways for you to derive at least a modicum of pleasure from the forthcoming campaign.

1. Stay away.
When Richard Nixon spoke of ‘The Silent Majority’, it was doubtful he was referring to Leeds fans, but Whites supporters could learn something from the American anti-counterculturalists who got Tricky Dicky re-elected in 1972. Noisy protests are all very well, but far more effective are those conducted in silent. The list of Leeds’ recent administrators - Ridsdale, Venables, Reid, Krasner, Gray, McKenzie, Blackwell, Bates, Wise - reads like a Who’s Who of utter dreck, so what better way to protest against the chronic mismanagement by these clowns than by completely withdrawing your custom? Just imagine the symbolism if only 4,000 turned up to watch the home fixture against Bristol City. OK, so the loss of revenue from gate receipts would almost certainly send the club to the wall, and it’d be all your fault, but at least you can claim you weren’t held to ransom. Small victories, I suppose.

2. Form your own club.
When Malcolm Glazer bought Manchester United in 2005, ‘real’ United fans  - you know, the ones that talk in loud voices in pubs about how none of these bastards watching on telly were there at Plymouth away when we were shit - decided to renounce their support of football’s biggest behemoth and form their own club, which theoretically combined the best aspects of Manchester United (whatever they were) without the dreadful excesses of rampant commercialism. Leeds fans should applaud their morality, and try something similar in west Yorkshire. Never mind that United’s attendances increased significantly over the past two years, and that fans secretly love the funny-looking one for giving them the funds to compete in the transfer market. It’s all about the ethics, you know.

3. Go down the road to Headingley.
Paradoxical it may be, but while the football club are Yorkshire’s biggest losers, Leeds’ other Big Two are experiencing something of a renaissance. Goughy seems to have waved his magic wand at Yorkshire CCC and appeased their notoriously crabby members (even Boycs appears almost satisfied), thanks to improved displays which see them in sight of only their second County Championship title since 1968. And the enviable talents of Rob Burrow, Kevin Sinfield and Danny McGuire have made the Rhinos one of the most attractive rugby league teams to watch on the planet. With 17,000 boisterous Yorkshiremen packed into Super League’s most atmospheric ground, tries galore, and 18-stone knuckleheads knocking seven bells into each other, it’s the perfect way to spend a Friday evening. And you can drink Tetley’s in your seat, too.

4. Watch ‘Leeds United: Champions 1991-92’ on video again and again.
So it’s indulgent, admittedly, but why shouldn’t Leeds fans have a little joy in our lives? And with bids starting at just £3.99 on eBay, you too can re-live the early 90s glory days under Howard Wilkinson for less the price of a sausage roll and a lukewarm Bovril. Unbeaten at home all season, and seeing off the challenge of Manchester United with consummate ease (even if they did get beaten 2-0 by Oldham), this is the stuff to watch long into the night. Marvel at Wee Gordy’s ceaseless running and Gary Mac’s midfield guile! Rejoice at Lee Chapman’s trademark that’s-one-we-worked-on-on-the-training-ground near-post flick-ons! Shudder to recall that professional carthorses Mel Sterland and Chris Whyte actually won league championship medals! (DVD bonus footage includes Tony Dorigo on the time he cheekily stole 10 yards at a throw-in, and Rod Wallace reminiscing about the moment they all fell about when the stadium announcer got him confused with twin brother Ray after scoring against Wimbledon.) Great days.

5. Get all excited about the new season and go down to Elland Road with more zeal than ever.
OK, so it’s counterintuitive, and I argued earlier that watching Leeds was akin to watching The Friday Night Project sober, but let’s face it: Leeds will win League One next season. At a canter. The third tier of English football is packed full of teams so hopeless it’s almost impossible not to succeed. Nottingham Forest, the only other club capable of giving the Whites a run for their money, are officially useless, and the rest can do no more than kick bollock and brain and pray for three points at the end of it all. If Leeds can manage to keep hold of Douglas, Cresswell, Lewis and Derry, it’ll be a cake walk. And £25 might be a bit steep, but you’ll see lots of goals, lots of action, and some spectacularly inept defending (and not just from Leeds, either). Not losing every week might do wonders for the general mood at Elland Road. Even a serial incompetent like Dennis Wise couldn’t mess this one up. Could he?