You know it never has been easy

Whether you do or not resign

Whether you travel the breadth of extremities

Or stick to some straighter line

- Joni Mitchell, ‘Hejira’.

I've written my wish list, have you written yours?

It has been an utterly spellbinding 12 months for us Stoke City supporters, culminating with a so-far-so-good return to top-flight football; the place we feel this club belongs.

Flabbergasted, as many seem by the start we’ve made, us Stokies were surreptitiously confident of an upset, and we’ve certainly done that. Nevertheless, as is the tradition with these things, I have compiled a list of all the things I would like this Christmas, not just for my own insatiable purposes, but also for the good of Stoke City FC; things, which I feel, will drastically move the club forward in 2009.

Please forgive me; I know it’s been a while…

(10 = least important & least achievable; 1 = want most & most achievable)

10. A Box-to-Box midfielder playing for Stoke City.

These have suddenly become scarcer in football than tracksuit managers and to buy a decent one would cost more in weekly wages than Bryan Robson earned in his entire career.

Box-to-Box: Robson used to get his fair share of goals from midfield

My short-term suggestion would be to deploy Liam Lawrence in there this season, if he ever recovers from his acrimonious injury. With his infectious energy, gamut of passing, and thunderbolt long range shooting, Stoke City would surely stand to profit.

9. Wingers (not whingers!) to compliment our team.

With the call for wingers increasingly incessant, I come heeding waves of caution: introducing wingers can have disastrous consequences. Wingers with the wrong attitude will a) upset the balance of the team, and b) destroy the ambiance. Simply buying Pennant (though he’s not likely to sign) and or Joe Ledley will not necessarily solve all Stoke’s attacking shortcomings. Look how difficult it has proved for seasoned teams (such as Liverpool, Newcastle, Ipswich and Everton) to implement wingers into a well-drilled unit. Permeable wingers are few and far between. On the other hand, look how well it’s working out for O’Neil’s Villa side.

O'Neil certainly picked out winger Ashley Young wisely

I am certainly from a school of belief ‘that wingers win you matches’ but these wingers are special players who will also track back and constantly search for the ball. The right system and tactics furthermore have to be instilled if they are to be used effectively and not detriment everything we have worked so hard for. It’s a common misconception that wingers of yesteryear looked on tactics & defending the same way LSD must look disdainfully at a clock face. Ask anyone who watched sinuous archetypes such as Matthews, Best and Barnes at their majestic peaks; they’ll tell you they didn’t just stand about waiting to receive a pass, when they didn’t have the ball, they went looking for it.

8. Innovative football at the Britannia.

Despite being 90% behind the way Stoke are going about their inaugural season in the Premier League, I can’t help but look at Hull City fans with a modicum of envy. At times this season, it’s felt like being invited around to Nigella Lawson’s gaff for a dinner party and told you are not allowed to eat any of her food; as you are forced to endure her slightly irritating yet impeccable brevity, and find out the only reason you’ve been asked over is to wash the dishes.

I’m a realist and know this season will be all about damage limitation, making sure we give little away; scrapping and fighting to within an inch of our lives, until we narrowly avoid the drop. But in games like the 5-0 thrashing at Old Trafford, the first half against Newcastle, and most recently at Blackburn, you can’t help thinking Pulis’ favoured 2 banks of 4 isn’t just living dangerously, it is like standing on a chair with a noose around our necks, beseeching teams to kick the chair out from beneath us.

Next season Stoke City supporters will demand a little more variation to our football and expect to add some much needed attacking guile to our ranks; as quite frankly, the tiresome ugly football jibes, and getting played last every week on Match of the Day, is beginning to get right up my nostrils.

*7. Morrissey Tickets

A set of Morrissey tickets for his upcoming gig in Galway, Ireland, where he’ll be playing in the spring. It’s taking place about 20 seconds away from where I currently reside and I’d be damned if I were to miss it. Ok it’s not football but Mozza is equally vital to me.

Hopefully I'll get ticket to go see vintage Mozza perform in Galway?

6. Players to take wage cuts like the rest of us.

The biggest stumbling block for a club like Stoke City is being unable to afford prospective signing’s wages. It was the case with players like Scott Carson in the summer and it will, I am sure, become an issue again, imminently, no doubt. Considering the current austerity crippling the world, will players’ wage demands stay the same or will players prove once and for all they are not the mercenaries sceptics have them down as? If this was to be the case, then maybe, just maybe Stoke City could afford to sign some top quality footballers.

5. Nicola Zigic (i.e. a proven goal scorer)

Yes, we all love a bit of transfer speculation, Zigic’s recurring link to Stoke nevertheless has to be one of the longest running sagas in the history of the football club. He’s the tallest player in world football, a target man, and with a goal scoring record that Stein, Sheron and even the great John Richie would be proud of; he is a Stoke City player if ever there was one. Sign him up Pulis and we can all get some sleep in 2009.

4. A good run in the FA Cup (i.e. a possible trip to New Wembley)

It’s tempting to draw parallels with this season and them of the ‘Waddo Years’. Stoke back amongst the big boys, memorable spats with Arsenal; a team comprised of strays and cast-offs. Similarly, I had hoped we would reach an FA Cup semi and possibly go onto win the League Cup (which I saw as wide open), and it would prove to be the catalyst for an auspicious and unlikely assault on the league title in seasons to follow; just as it did back in 72 (the year Stoke won the League Cup).

Maverick Alan Hudson playing for Chelsea versus Stoke in 72 league cup final

As it transpired, that defeat at home to Derby County did less for galvanising this team’s confidence than Kerry McFadden’s slurred appearance on ‘This Morning’ did for her career and dispelling growing concerns about her fragile state of mind. A good run in the FA Cup could thus prove invaluable.   

3. Adopt a winning mentality

It may seem to many I’ve fallen victim to the self-help books with this one, or listened to one too many Benitez interviews; however, my inspiration comes from a far less likely source. Listening to Ronnie O’Sullivan’s captivating and entertaining interview on ‘Inside Sport’ the other week, talking about his own riotous and precocious genius, got me thinking about what it takes to be a winner. He mentioned that when it’s going well for him he felt unbeatable. Pockets looked enormous, balls glided lightly over the cloth, and every part of the table; from the opponents balls (snooker!), the cushions and even the knuckles of the pockets, he used to his advantage, allying him past the winning post.

Ronnie O'Sullivan; at times unbeatable, unquestionable genius

Firstly, Stoke need to believe they can win games, then, once we stop provoking the opposition by adopting self-deprecating tactics, we might then start to use everything in our armoury needed to succeed at this level.

2. Creativity

Yes, Stoke being lambasted in the media for their long ball tactics is becoming more irksome than those extremely irritating people who go up an octave at the end of every sentence (you know who you are). Of course, what Stoke lack is about as conspicuous as those ticket-dodging fans watching on from their grassy knoll vantage at the Britannia, but it appears the only way to put a stop to the barrage of stick the media seems to inveigh against us, is to play some creative football.

Stoke have sorely missed Lawrence's goals from midfield

I realise this cannot happen over night but playing Glenn Whelan (who retains possession judiciously) in place of one of our water-carriers and deploying Lawrence in a more central midfield role would certainly be an intrepid step in the right direction, until we can sign a few more creative players. But it’s not just players Stoke need, I feel it’s a new formation.

1. A change of tactics and formation

Stoke’s opponents in the 1972 League Cup final were the mavericks of Chelsea. The Chelsea of that time were pioneers of innovation; a team which acted on impulse and intuition, showing scant regard for rigid inhibited tactics. However, this outrageously ambitious brand of football was carefully infused with the disciplined mantra of first Docherty, then Sexton; and their stylish 4-1-5 formation became zeitgeist of that era.

'The Special One' habitually sticking his head just above the parapet

It is Mourinho’s Chelsea nevertheless; whose team best executed the slightly more paranoid 4-1-2-3 formation (Makélélé anchoring; Duff, Cole & Robben behind Drogba), who I feel Stoke City and Tony Pulis have to emulate.

Glenn Whelan and Lawrence could run things from midfield with the added security of Diao (or a pick from any of the like) in behind. Fuller could get more of the ball and put his pace and trickery to more devastating effect, whilst Tongue would offer some much needed width on the left and tuck in when his team mates are coming under the cosh.

Mourinho inspired 4-1-2-3 formation

Have a great Christmas everyone and fingers crossed everything works out in the New Year. If you have any Christmas wishes yourselves, for Stoke City or any other club, please enlighten us all by adding a comment below.

* If my suspicions are correct, I think my wonderfully thoughtful girlfriend has already purchased tickets to see Morrissey (1 down, 9 to go!). 

A couple of weeks ago I read an interesting commentary piece in The Times, which looked at how former players are liable to be drawn into big jobs too quickly, only to be shown the door within months when a string of poor results betrays their lack of experience.   Unsurprisingly, the article focused on Paul Ince’s less than auspicious start to top flight management with struggling Blackburn (and this written before a further three defeats on the spin).   Yet for me, it flagged more broadly the double-edged sword of being a manager in the Premier League.  After all, it’s not just the young guns who fall foul of Dickinson’s ‘Unforgiving System’ - the recent experiences of Sven Goran Erikkson, Sam Allardyce and Juande Ramos all highlight the vast rewards to be had and the often inexplicably quick descent into ignominy to be suffered. 

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/matt_dickinson/article5226678.ece

Long story short, the article (link above) got me thinking about another EFP entry and I started to put some words to the page.  I didn’t get very far, for one reason or another, but a number of things have sparked this more determined attempt to get something away, with Roy Keane’s departure from Sunderland chief among them.

Roy Keane’s decision to walk away from Sunderland, although not unexpected after the barely concealed deterioration of relationships in the dressing room, is not easy to categorise.  It is ironic really – many Premier League managers would surely love to have a Chairman in the mould of Niall Quinn, who was prepared to offer Keane both funds and time.  Certainly, the pressure that seemed to encircle Keane of late did not appear to come from the Board room.  Until recently, it looked as though management had tamed some of Keane’s more reckless impulses.  Last Thursday’s events (not to mention the post mortem that followed in the next day’s back pages) suggested otherwise.  Sir Alex Ferguson’s implicit suggestion that Keane might not return to management appears astute.   Whatever the root cause of the enigmatic Irishman’s fall from grace, one thing is for sure – club management in the Premier League is a ‘very precarious industry.’

Niall Quinn - looks like a nice Chairman; is a nice Chairman

Easy for Ferguson to say (I was 2 weeks shy of my 3^rd Birthday when Ferguson took to the helm at Old Trafford)!  For Sam Allardyce, who (once upon a time) had a job for life at The Reebok, such wisdom would doubtless be harder to utter.  Fast approaching a full year without employment, Allardyce has somehow found himself on the manager’s scrap heap.  Indeed, given the brevity of his stay in the North East, it is safe to assume that this extended period of gardening leave is not of Big Sam’s own design.  Rather, his widely perceived failure to have an impact at Newcastle – a so-called ‘big club’ – has left his reputation in tatters.  Well, that and his uncompromising approach to the beautiful game.  If it’s good enough for the Trotters, the current logic goes, then it’s not good enough for the rest of us.  Sunderland may take a different view but they are unlikely to offer Allardyce quite the lucrative contract that he received up the road (thought to be worth up to $12m!). 

Whenever Allardyce does gain reemployment – and it surely will happen eventually, whether with the Mackems or not , it is far from certain that Paul Ince will still be an opposite number.  Ince sees his fate inextricably linked to that of his old team mate Roy Keane.  Interestingly, however, according to the Guv’nor this has less to do with the fact that their respective clubs (former or otherwise) are in the relegation zone than it does with a suspected plot (masterminded by whom, it is not clear) to see them both fail.  Quite how Ince came to this conclusion is anyone’s guess but certainly this response rings far truer:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/martin_samuel/article5304254.ece

I particularly enjoyed the quip about the bottom line in football – ‘there are three teams below it and each has a manager with good reason to be nervous.’  That said, and returning to the earlier article, Samuel’s view is a bit too black and white (no pun intended) in that it fails to offer any insight into why it is that Blackburn are languishing in the bottom three.  The induction to Premier League management is testing at the best of times but in Blackburn – a club who had just lost an excellent coach who had brought stability and (arguably) over achievement to the club – the task facing Ince looked daunting from day one.  And as Samuel did point out, Hull’s magnificent start to the season (and we shouldn’t forget Stoke, who also continue to far exceed expectation) hasn’t helped matters.  Nor Tottenham’s continuing renaissance!!  I apologise - Jamie O’Hara has just (literally)put Spurs 2-0 up at West Ham and what do you know, the conversation has already turned to Zola’s future.  (Incidentally, Steve Claridge – who gives Mark Lawrenson a good run for his money in the uninspiring stakes - earlier tipped Sam Allardyce for the Sunderland post). 

Lawro - his enthusiasm for the beautiful continues to bring joy to all

Zola, arguably even more so than Ince, is another newbie struggling to keep his head above water.  Is this because the diminutive Italian does not have what it takes?  Or is it due to a lack of experience?  Indeed, Zola’s managerial résumé makes for light reading, his only substantive experience (if you can call it that) coming via a two year stint spent as Pierluigi Casiraghi’s assistant with the Italian U21 side.  However, events off the pitch have not played into Zola’s favour (West Ham, more than most, are feeling the pinch of the credit crunch) and it is not incomprehensible that Zola has, in the Hammers, simply picked a rotten apple.  In all likelihood, it is a combination of all of the above and unless something gives soon Zola is unlikely to have either a merry Christmas or a happy New Year.

On a slight tangent, a few hours after I read the Dickinson article I spent a not entirely pleasant evening at the Galpharm.  A sure contender for the worst named stadium in English football (and very unbecoming for it is actually a fine example of modern architecture), the Galpharm is home to the once mighty Huddersfield Town. 

The Galpharm - better than it sounds (thank God)

Yes indeed, in the 1920s Huddersfield won the top division not once, not twice but on three back to back occasions.  On today’s evidence you would never know it.  On the evening in question, they lost 1-0 to Leyton Orient.  Yet it is perhaps the memory of better days past that has underpinned the moderately high turnover of recent managers at the club.  Lee Clark, appointed this week, is the club’s eighth permanent manager in the past decade and the third of this year.  I mention this (and those of you hot on your skysports news will note that Clark was appointed a good 36 hours after O’Hara’s rather delightful strike) because it perhaps serves as a timely reminder that young managers, particularly those who played at the highest level, do not have to cut their teeth at the top. 

In fairness, Paul Ince spent at least some time in the lower leagues.  However, given his age (he is the managing equivalent of Theo Walcott) and the incredible pressure that comes with being a Premier League manager in today’s game, I can’t help but wonder whether (almost) two full seasons was long enough.  The problem faced by Ince, Zola, Adams, Keane, etc., is that, unlike young players, there is no safety net for them when they fail to deliver the goods.  The Board won’t remove a manager from the firing line for a few games why he rebuilds his confidence.  Of course, the lure of the Premier League is massive and none more so than for those players whose distinguished careers helped define it.  It is perhaps no coincidence that ‘lesser’ players (and I say that with all due respect) such as Colin Calderwood, Jim Magilton, Simon Grayson, Mark Robins and now Lee Clark are operating, for the time being at least, outside of the Premier League.  Three of those have served one club for over two years.  It is speculative, for sure, but perhaps Ince and co would have been better served showing similar patience.

Simon Grayson - The former Villa player is now in his 4th year as Blackpool boss

Not one to deliberately ignore the other side of the coin, I cannot deny that such a view can be overly prescriptive and, worse, unwarranted.  Take Mark Hughes and Gareth Southgate.  Southgate especially has thrown himself in at the deep end but by and large he is doing ok.  Hughes’ time at Wales was doubtless of great value but the Welshman’s assimilation into club management at the highest level was nonetheless impressive.  And at the other end of the spectrum, let us not forget Big Sam - left out in the cold, having more than held his own in the Premier League for six seasons with Bolton after orchestrating the club’s passage to the top flight.  The Sunderland job may yet be his but a week is a long time in football (have I said this before … ) and there is a sense that if he was perceived to be the right man for the job that it would be his already.  I wonder what went through his mind when he heard that Juande Ramos had been appointed Real Madrid’s new manager …

Allardyce - have we seen the last of Big Sam?

Those of you who read my last article will realise the relevance of the title. The hens do refer to the ‘holy trinity’ of the popular Christmas song, but are dedicated not to a dead princess or lizard ruler (Jane Badler, we salute you…) Rather, to a blonde singer from the town of four thousand holes who was voted off X Factor last weekend. 

Diana gets your vote over Eoghan (or doesnt as it turned out)

Diana is not the focus of this article, even though she ‘won’ the public vote for this article at least. I linked her to the French hens for her sultry alternativeness and subsequently to Andy van der Meyde, not quite because he is sultry or the footballer most likely to contract bird flu - but it’s close.

(please note that from now on Andy van der Meyde might be known as VDM)

I feel Diana was always on a loser after the laryngitis episode when she was ‘too ill’ to perform a Mariah Carey song and so seemingly got a week off. Similarly, VDM will probably never raise more than a collective laugh from the Gwladys Street when he emerges from the dugout, and bitter moans about his wages etc, because he has done very little in a Blue shirt, no goals, one assist from what I can remember, and one sending off (in a  derby no less).

But surely bad luck is simply at fault for these two artists’ failure?

It is a little ironic that Van Der Meyde made his first League appearance of the season little more than twenty four hours after Diana’s teary exit. Similarly, it can also not be a mere coincidence that he and I were born two days apart, are the same height, and play the same position.

I, like many others, am drawn to anti-heroes, those less popular underdogs who don’t quite fit the mould. There are many reasons for this, it is perhaps inherent in our culture, our upbringing, or at the very least inspired by reading about David and Goliath at Sunday School (just me then?). There is less support though, definitely amongst avid supporters, for that band of players described as ‘sicknotes’, ‘wasters’ or ‘leeches’. Men should be men, regardless of their health problems, and play through the pain, n’est-ce pas?

Three French Hens - All Everton want for xmas is one fit van der Meyde

But football, especially in the age of the Premiership and expensive wages, doesn’t seem to forgive those who are on the receiving end of visits from the bad luck bears. They are noticed, criticised then ridiculed, even though many are at least at the more skillful end of the imaginary ‘gifted footballers’ spectrum we have all argued about in the playground.

Diana is a very good singer. Anderton, Redknapp, Saha, Ferguson, Bridges, Dyer (Kieron, not Bruce) are (were) all very good players too, and van der Meyde is on this list too. I for one do not believe they pick and choose when they want to play - rather, for some reason, they do not have the fortune others are grateful to receive when cards are dealt regarding their legs or their personal life. To castigate someone for having the temerity to not feel able to perform to the best of their ability, then go into work on a Monday morning and happily fill in for colleagues on long term sick (or even worse - throw a ‘sickie’ - a word I first heard used in a conversation between Madge and Harold would you believe, fact fans)) smacks of hypocrisy in my innocent eyes.

Indeed, us Evertonians were denied the chance to see Danny Williamson play but a few fleeting moments for us, however I recall an outstanding goal he scored in the Cup I think that marked him out as a future star. How many other heroes missed their calling due to injuries and bad luck, I wonder? Maybe many football fans - we still kick every ball, nod every header, because most of us still believe that if it wasn’t for that drinking or lack of pace, of scout getting lost, it’d be us on that pitch…

I digress. Back to Andy van der Meyde: Just imagine

• 1. Johan Cruyff says you’re rubbish
• 2. You sign for Everton and only me turns up to greet you
• 3. Your dog and car get stolen

Johan Cruyff: Still very much an influencial figure in football

Ok so these headlines are less than half the story, and there is much more I could mischievously suggest when it comes to examples of his bad luck being self created, but if we stick to the facts, it is much fairer.

This much we know. Van der Meyde broke in to the Ajax first team after progressing through their excellent academy system (presumably a few years before myself and a drunken Uni mate walked into the same complex on a Students’ Union trip to Amsterdam, being greeted by Danny Blind and Shota Arvaladze) and he looked a real prospect.

Dutch caps (ahem) followed though the unfortunate event that sums up his international career did too. Johan Cruyff is a legend, and extremely influential in Holland (and seemingly Barca’s) hierarchy. Therefore, when he himself said on the eve of Euro 2004 that the Oranje‘had no chance of winning as long as he (VDM) was in the squad’, despite his involvement in their journey to the tournament’s semis, the writing seemed to be on the wall.

Cruyff & Van Bastan, not big on Van der Meyde, despite his respect for them

This was particularly unfortunate as VDM had just had a good first season at Inter, albeit injury shortened, scoring a memorable goal against Arsenal in the meantime. It is perhaps no surprise (given the respect he and many others show to Cruyff) that Marco van Basten, another legend an another of my favourite all time players, never considered VDM during his tenure as Dutch coach either.

But there are perhaps more valid reasons for this choice. Van der Meyde made the switch to Everton in Summer 2005. I was excited about this, I didn’t know much about him - even now I don’t, I’ll be honest a lot of this information was brought back into my brain with the help of a popular online encyclopedia. I think a lot of that is down to his lack of exposure, he is generally regarded as a forgotten man and the only time the Echo or footy magazines mention him is to announce another injury, another determined comeback or cruel, inappropriate skits (see the guardian football site’s unfunny gallery if you want.)

Anyway a couple of weeks after his signing, I excitedly rushed in to the city centre to attend a meet and greet session at the mega store with him and another recent purchase, Per Kroldrup.  I was a little late to arrive, still, was surprised to find I WAS THE ONLY FAN IN THE SHOP and therefore both players forced smiles whilst signing photographs for a teacher that was older than them both! To be honest, Kroldrup was pleasant enough but VDM clearly didn’t want to be there and seemed actually appalled at having to use a biro to scrawl over his face.

I stuck by him though, even whilst Kroldrup disappeared into ignominy (random description of the defender ‘head like a 50p piece’), VDM enjoyed some success in the first team before niggling injuries took over. Getting stupidly sent off in his first derby didn’t help, or did more serious injuries. Quickly, rumours abounded that he was enjoying the social side of the city a little too much, to dangerous effects.

VDM reasonably asks for a stables for his wife who presumably has a love for horses

Rumours and football are a volatile mix, but fans were disgruntled at the suggestion he’d only signed for us following the promise of a stables for his partner. Things got even more ludicrous when he became yet another victim of the footballer gets burgled phenomenon that has engulfed this city for the last couple of years. Not only did he apparently lose eight (?) Rolexes in the ambush, and an expensive new puppy (a heartfelt appeal for which led to its return) but he also suffered the embarrassment of thousands of school kids across the city gleefully bluetoothing videos of his stolen car being raced across a car park before being found wrecked in front of a cinema.

Things seemed to spiral out of control from here on in. Reports of unhappiness, denials thereof, fines, suspensions, drinks spiking claims, more injuries, rumours of sales abroad, wanting to stay, exciting pre-season displays, disappointments, no appearance for over a year… and bizarrely, regularly sightings of the great man shopping on his own in town, occasionally accompanied by his wife or on one occasion recently a red-haired teenage boy.

Diana will no doubt be given a record contract and be relatively successful - more importantly, encouraging teenage girls across the country. She (or the show’s producers) may have been at fault at times, but we don’t begrudge her that. Similarly, whether or not VDM brought his bad luck on himself, or questioning if he deserves any more chances, should not be on our agendas at the minute. I for one will forgive and forget - we all make mistakes, he has brought pleasure to millions and should be encouraged on this latest comeback trail.

Two years ago, when Sylvester Stallone came to Goodison, I stood proudly holding a ‘ROCKY VAN DER MEYDE’ poster, featuring Mr Balboa with a number 7 on his back. Maybe, just maybe it could be another fairytale ending to this story.

From this evening, The English Football Post is pleased to inform members and readers of our new Star Rating System.

Any Post (blog) you now read anywhere on our site, you will now be able to give it a rating (out of 10 stars), to let the writer know exactly what you thought of it (anonymously obviously). Not only do you get the chance to rate the posts, but also get the chance to rate the comments it receives also.

Beginning this month, Posts (blogs) with the best average star rating, stand greater chance of winning our ‘Post of the month’ ongoing competition. We also have a monthly ‘Comment of the month‘ competition, beginning next month. So please have fun wont you, and good luck to everyone.

The English Football Post Admin

Everton v Villa

Everton go into the game with 3 of their 4 strikers injured, Anichebe being the only one fit, while Villa also have their talisman John Carew out injured.  Villa’s last 2 matches have been 0-0 in the league, while Everton have had 1-0’s go either way. The Toffees have only scored 7 at home all season, and after shipping goals at the start of the campaign, they have tightened up and conceded just 4 in the last 7. Expect it to be a tight affair.

Under 2.5 goals = 4-6 Bet 365

0-0 at Half Time = 6-4 @ Bet 365, Blue Square

No Goalscorer = 17-2 @ Victor Chandler, Sportinglife, Skybet

Blackburn v Liverpool

Rovers are on a terrible run at present, they have lost 4 of their last 5 and not won since the 27th September. Liverpool despite going top of the league have let things slip with two 0-0 home games on the bounce, but while scoring is proving troublesome, clean sheets are not; they have kept 5 in the last 6 games.

Under 2.5 goals = 8-11 @ Bet 365

Liverpool to win 1-0 or 2-0 = 6-1 and 7-1 respectively @ Betfred

No Goalscorer = 10-1 @ Bet 365

Manchester United v Sunderland

Keane’s inevitable departure this week leaves Sunderland’s season up in the air. However, some of the broadsheets are reporting that the players celebrated his exit, so subsequently, it might pick up the moral in the squad. Either way it’s not the best preparation going to Old Trafford and i expect United to ease past a defence with only 2 clean sheets all season.

United -1 = 8-15 @ Bet365

Ronaldo First Goal = 7-2 @ Coral (Back Each Way 1-2-3)

Dermot O'leary and the X-factor gang

This year’s X Factor final takes place next weekend, coincidentally enough, twelve days before Christmas. And, I’m having a nightmare deciding what to write my next EFP article about. So, this is a precursor to what will be my final article of 2008 from the soon-to-be-no-longer Capital of Culture… in which I’d like you the viewer to vote for your favourite idea and I’ll run with that.

Do you see what I did there?

Now I know what some of you will be thinking, this is another post-modern nod to writer’s block a la Spike Jonze’s excellent Adaptation, or an ironic comment on the reality tv / talent show format that has been so prevalent on our screens, magazine covers and lips during staff room discussions over the past decade.

And you’d be mostly right.

However, I’ve been a mostly good boy this year so feel I deserve the chance to be helped to make a tough decision. Cheryl Cole is not the only bridge between X Factor and footy, I promise you. Come with me as we run down the finalists in contention for the coveted prize of Winning Article Idea, December 2008, and revisit a popular old classic Christmas song in the process!

NB If any of you decide to stop reading now, or choose not to pass comment, that’s ok, I’ll simply follow the outcome of the ‘real’ X Factor results. Have a great holiday and prosperous, healthy new year anyway.

1. A partridge in a Pear Tree = Eoghan

This article goes back eighteen years, eighteen years, as December 29th will be the eighteenth anniversary of my first ever Everton match, a 2-0 victory over Derby County at Goodison Park. In this article I will delve into my and my father’s memories of the match. I was eleven at the time, but probably looked older that Eoghan at the time.

Eoghan represents the 18 years since my first Everton match - YIKES!

2. Two Turtle Doves = Alexandra

This young lady is my favourite to win, and as Louis says (to Simon’s concurring nod) she is the most talented performer. What I think is my best article idea would be a commentary on football at Christmas in general, and the tradition thereof. Orange balls, programme pullouts, presents under the tree, Father Christmas in club colours, that sort of thing. Given the festive mood people are beginning to feel, I think this may be the winner too.

Is Alexandra as good as Leona? I think so.

3. Three French Hens = Diana

Last night during the Five Live commentary on Burnley’s victory over Arsenal, Alan Green made a joke about Diana’s legs being a more appealing option that Mark ‘Lawro’ Lawrenson on MOTD. Now I think this is mildly controversial on several levels, but the fact remains Diana is for many an attractive proposition given her Cranberries flavoured warbling and ‘cool’ lack of dancing. She could almost be French – all sultry, alternative, Vanessa Paradis-esque… until you hear her talk and she’s from Blackburn.

The furore over her laryngitis-influenced week off makes her the ideal link person to attach my Christmas theme to the X Factor and subsequently an article on sicknote footballers. Louis Saha has been a breath of fresh air since signing for Everton, despite three lay-offs with injury, however I want to focus attention on the forgotten man of the team photo currently hanging behind my computer screen – one Andy van der Meyde.

Andy who? Van der Meyde has rarely featured since signing for Everton

4. Four Calling Birds = JLS

Please don’t think I’m confused, I know that JLS are not ‘birds’ in the girl sense of the words that young men are wont want to use when referencing members of the opposite sex, (and by the older generation adding the prefix ‘dolly’ at times, etc) No, I just thought there’s four of them, they like their colours (aficionados of the X Factor will know but others of you may not, that JLS have their own individual colours, and even when wearing all white, the soles of their shoes match their identity colour) and they are, like the four apostles the calling birds are said to signify, actually men.

JLS would be my group choice - but you decide?

This article would be a ‘group’ too, a list of significant events from the past twelve months in the form of a review.

The choice is yours.

So, audience, please do try to imagine me as Dannii Minogue, sat behind a desk trying not to look worried as events in front of her unfold out of her control. You can make your choice by adding a comment in the box below… then watch this space.

And have yourselves a merry Little Christmas.

In May this year Tottenham Hotspur beat off the likes of Barcelona, Chelsea and Manchester United to sign Crystal Palace’s 16 year old prodigy, John Bostock.  Outside the Championship (or, more accurately perhaps, South East London), Bostock was hardly a household name.  Indeed, for many, this has remained unchanged - unsurprising, given that Bostock has yet to feature even at reserve level for his new club, instead finding himself in the relative obscurity of the Academy.

Yet the transfer was far from insignificant for a number of reasons. 

 

Spurs beat off everyone to sign talented prodigy John Bostock

First of all, it drew attention to the inadequate framework currently in place to compensate clubs outside of the top flight who cannot hold on to their home grown talent.  Whilst £700,000 (a fee deemed appropriate by a football league tribunal) might sound a sizeable amount for a 16 year old sans Greek first name, for Crystal Palace it was a bitter blow. 

If we were to consider the transfer in isolation, Palace would doubtless struggle to convince a soul that such a figure had been invested in the youngster’s development.  However, as with much in life, taking things in isolation can often be outrageously misleading.  For Palace, the question of remuneration hinged not so much on the individual ability of the player in question, greatly valued though he was, but on the value of the club’s overall infrastructure for developing young footballers.  And, essentially, raised the question: why the f**k do we bother?!  Because whilst Palace do stand to potentially earn quadruple the initial sum through various clauses, right now that is of scant consolation. 

Surely a more measured approach to transfers of this nature would be to land the financial burden at the feet of the clubs that can afford it!  Why should the smaller clubs be left hungering after fees that may or may not materialize when, let’s face it, Spurs and the likes have the capacity to pay those fees outright.  The frequent false dawns of the England national team has, in recent years, brought the issue of grass roots football to the fore and, in the case of Bostock it is perhaps easy to see why.

Crystal Palace’s infamous chairman, Simon Jordan, was so outraged with the transfer that he questioned why he bothered with football, suggesting this might be the final straw in his fractious relationship with the beautiful game.  The scale of his disillusionment only highlights the significance of the Bostock transfer.  Jordan himself was quick to latch on to the wider implications of the transfer, drawing a clear line between the tribunal’s decision and England’s failure to qualify for this summer’s European Championships.

 

Simon Jordan - business as usual at Palace

Personally, this isn’t an argument I can whole heartedly subscribe to.  Not wanting to get drawn into the swampy tangent that is the recent shortcomings of the England team, recent failures have, in my view, more to do with the here and the now.  However, Jordan’s apocalyptic view of the national game could ring far truer in the coming decades.  Provided someone kidnaps Fabio Capello in the near future of course.

The problem is two-fold.  First, clubs such as Palace will increasingly turn their back on youth development if it becomes a fiscal imperative to do so.  Second, even if the crucial role played by ‘the Palace’ et al is recognized, and a suitable reward system put in place, to what end if the precocious kids in question are blinkered (read utterly blind-sighted) by the calling of the big boys.  Fighting the urge to defend my beloved Spurs’ reputation as a Premier League power house, let us instead turn to the second major significance of Bostock’s transfer – the lack of loyalty and, worse, given the player’s tender years, the apparent lack of good counsel.

In October last year, Bostock made his first team debut at the incredible if not unprecedented age of 15 years and 287 days.  And although he only went on to make only four further first team appearances that season, as a close ‘Palace’ friend of mine frequently laments (and Simon Jordan eulogized), he was likely to play a much increased part in the side this year.  The club wanted desperately to hold on to their prized asset and Jordan’s argument that the player’s long-term future development would be better executed at Palace did not ring hollow.  And, indeed, as flash as I’m sure Spurs training facilities are, are they likely to prove a learning curve equal to the Oblivion-esque (I heard a rumour that Alton Towers are planning to tear Oblivion down, surely not!) gradient provided by the rough and tumble of the Championship. 

 

The Oblivion, Alton Towers - A frightening experience

While there is undoubtedly a debate to be had about the merits of both, as a Spurs fan no less, I would rather see Bostock flourishing in Palace’s first team than decelerating in the youth vault at Tottenham.  A cursory glance at Tottenham’s recent track record of nurturing young talent reinforces this point.  But first let me finish this strand: with the club powerless to make themselves heard through Bostock’s inevitably oversized walkman headphones, who could they turn to?  Nobody, is the answer.  Least of all the player’s step-father who, last we heard, was to have his season ticket at Selhurst Park refunded …

So what of Tottenham’s youth set-up?

To my mind, only three players, one idolized, one reviled and one largely forgotten, have truly come through the youth system at Spurs in recent years: Ledley King,  Sol Campbell and Stephen Carr.  Peter Crouch was on the books for a short while before being deemed surplus to requirements, Dean Marney was sent to the lower leagues (and no, the irony of Hull’s current position has not been lost on the author) after doing little wrong besides score two screamers on his debut against Everton and … I’m struggling. 

In fairness, Luke Young has built a decent career for himself but he was never more than a fringe player in his years at White Hart Lane.  So, prolific, the development coaches at Spurs haven’t been.  In Tottenham’s defence, few other Premier League clubs are pumping out babes at any enviable rate of knots, bar perhaps Everton and Middlesbrough.  Even a quick glance across to our dear neighbours doesn’t tell a more encouraging story.  Sure, Arsenal do have a youth set up to cause even the most ardent Spurs fan to salivate into their cereal but home grown it most certainly isn’t.  Which is all very well for the immediate future – few would bet against Arsenal getting back amongst the titles in the coming years – but what about the bigger picture?

 

Dean Marney - another let go, despite early promise at Spurs

One of two things needs to happen to protect that bigger picture.  Either the coffers of the likes of Simon Jordan need to be suitably indemnified for the riches of their precious production lines or, one of the step-father, the agent, the ex-professional or the pet freaking dog needs to sit the young lad down and say, calm down little guy, patience is a virtue.

Or, and here’s an exciting thought for us flagging but ever-hopeful Spurs fans, ‘arry will rediscover the sort of form he displayed at West Ham, that saw the likes of Lampard, Ferdinand, Carrick, Defoe and Joe Cole emerge during his tenure.   And who knows, maybe Bostock will become a household name sooner than expected …