All my devoted readers will already know of my penchant for Indie music, particularly that borne out of Salford and Manchester in the early 80s. However, many will be surprised to learn that this is almost entirely at odds with my secret passion for X Factor, particularly this year. As Dermot cheekily says, it makes our Saturday night! This despite my girlfriend and family’s protestations to the contrary regarding Strictly Come Dancing with Brucie and Tess.
Dermot Oleary and the X-factor gang

Dermot O'leary and the X-factor gang

This year’s X Factor final takes place next weekend, coincidentally enough, twelve days before Christmas. And, I’m having a nightmare deciding what to write my next EFP article about. So, this is a precursor to what will be my final article of 2008 from the soon-to-be-no-longer Capital of Culture… in which I’d like you the viewer to vote for your favourite idea and I’ll run with that.

Do you see what I did there?

Now I know what some of you will be thinking, this is another post-modern nod to writer’s block a la Spike Jonze’s excellent Adaptation, or an ironic comment on the reality tv / talent show format that has been so prevalent on our screens, magazine covers and lips during staff room discussions over the past decade.

And you’d be mostly right.

However, I’ve been a mostly good boy this year so feel I deserve the chance to be helped to make a tough decision. Cheryl Cole is not the only bridge between X Factor and footy, I promise you. Come with me as we run down the finalists in contention for the coveted prize of Winning Article Idea, December 2008, and revisit a popular old classic Christmas song in the process!

NB If any of you decide to stop reading now, or choose not to pass comment, that’s ok, I’ll simply follow the outcome of the ‘real’ X Factor results. Have a great holiday and prosperous, healthy new year anyway.

1. A partridge in a Pear Tree = Eoghan

This article goes back eighteen years, eighteen years, as December 29th will be the eighteenth anniversary of my first ever Everton match, a 2-0 victory over Derby County at Goodison Park. In this article I will delve into my and my father’s memories of the match. I was eleven at the time, but probably looked older that Eoghan at the time.

Eoghan represents 18 years Iv followed Everton FC

Eoghan represents the 18 years since my first Everton match - YIKES!

2. Two Turtle Doves = Alexandra

This young lady is my favourite to win, and as Louis says (to Simon’s concurring nod) she is the most talented performer. What I think is my best article idea would be a commentary on football at Christmas in general, and the tradition thereof. Orange balls, programme pullouts, presents under the tree, Father Christmas in club colours, that sort of thing. Given the festive mood people are beginning to feel, I think this may be the winner too.

Is Alexandra as good as Leona? I think so.

Is Alexandra as good as Leona? I think so.

3. Three French Hens = Diana

Last night during the Five Live commentary on Burnley’s victory over Arsenal, Alan Green made a joke about Diana’s legs being a more appealing option that Mark ‘Lawro’ Lawrenson on MOTD. Now I think this is mildly controversial on several levels, but the fact remains Diana is for many an attractive proposition given her Cranberries flavoured warbling and ‘cool’ lack of dancing. She could almost be French – all sultry, alternative, Vanessa Paradis-esque… until you hear her talk and she’s from Blackburn.

The furore over her laryngitis-influenced week off makes her the ideal link person to attach my Christmas theme to the X Factor and subsequently an article on sicknote footballers. Louis Saha has been a breath of fresh air since signing for Everton, despite three lay-offs with injury, however I want to focus attention on the forgotten man of the team photo currently hanging behind my computer screen – one Andy van der Meyde.

Andy who? Van der Meyde has rarely featured since signing for Everton

Andy who? Van der Meyde has rarely featured since signing for Everton

4. Four Calling Birds = JLS

Please don’t think I’m confused, I know that JLS are not ‘birds’ in the girl sense of the words that young men are wont want to use when referencing members of the opposite sex, (and by the older generation adding the prefix ‘dolly’ at times, etc) No, I just thought there’s four of them, they like their colours (aficionados of the X Factor will know but others of you may not, that JLS have their own individual colours, and even when wearing all white, the soles of their shoes match their identity colour) and they are, like the four apostles the calling birds are said to signify, actually men.

JLS cold be my group choice - you decide?

JLS would be my group choice - but you decide?

This article would be a ‘group’ too, a list of significant events from the past twelve months in the form of a review.

The choice is yours.

So, audience, please do try to imagine me as Dannii Minogue, sat behind a desk trying not to look worried as events in front of her unfold out of her control. You can make your choice by adding a comment in the box below… then watch this space.

And have yourselves a merry Little Christmas.

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